Just need the door... one two shuffle step... the noise, the heat of all of them, need to be held in something that doesn't know what I am yet... store in a cool dry place, handle with care, this one came home a little... some settling of contents may occur.

Locked...

Just need the door... one two shuffle step... the noise, the heat of all of them, need to be held in something that doesn't know what I am yet... store in a cool dry place, handle with care, this one came home a little... some settling of contents may occur.

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…gravel under the tires, same crunch as always, home sweet whatever…

…came for the chair… that’s the story… came for Poppop’s recliner and nothing else, definitely not because I can’t sit still in my own skin since… nO.

Porch light on. Mom already a shape in the window, she always knows, o she knows, one look and she’ll read it off me like I’m still wearing that stench… focus. Pleasant… peasant… Grateful. Just here for the furniture.

Three hours of trees to stand on this step and pretend, un be liva ble… ran the whole way up to be put to rest in my bassinette, like a mile of distance fixes what I let - well that was clever - what I let happen over a table I have to sit at Monday… like hey you’re nothing but antithetical counsel who… derp

How many times now? Uno.?. how about a Dose of the spirit of hartshorn… Calm d…

Butter… “we didn’t need that.?.” and something warm through the door, her kitchen, and under it just me, humming wrong, that prickle after an intersection with my junction… where he… where I deny its residence, like my linens sodden I will order a perc test, like marinated over night, like I’d peel if I scratched. Don’t scratch. Aunt Juni doesn’t scratch. Aunt Juni is fine. Aunt Juni came for a chair.

Lillian’s laugh already through the wood, the Jupiter joke, some kind of Jovian planet, o yeah, perfect, let it be loud, let it drown the part of me counting the hours till the quiet comes back and it’s just me and whatever’s under…

how about no. We go in. We get warm. We are a perfectly normal woman who simply loves her mother. A perfectly normal woman who definitely did not clock the switchblade in the country store window on the way up… and is definitely not already pricing the detour for the way back… for you know who… or fine, for the nerves, just window shopping, ha. Restraint. Balance. Well adjusted.

Just need the door… one two shuffle step… the noise, the heat of all of them, need to be held in something that doesn’t know what I am yet… store in a cool dry place, handle with care, this one came home a little… some settling of contents may occur.